Letter No. 3

Talk to future you, because they know things you don't

I sat with a friend who wasn't sure if he was living the life he should be living (made two of us really, three with you reading). He asked me how he could know. I told him to ask his 80-year-old self. He looked back with a look I get more often than I'd like to admit. The "you might have a screw loose, buddy" look.

"Go ahead. Close your eyes and ask your 80-year-old self. What does he think?"

He humored me. In less than 10 seconds, my friend said, "He's telling me that I work too much." Magic. What was mysterious 10 seconds ago was now obvious.

Now you try it. Envision yourself in 30 years. What are you wearing? What do you smell? What do you see? Where are you? What's the weather like? Bring that person into mind and expend some effort filling in the details. Are you standing on a hardwood floor? Is it bright or dim? Cold outside? Grids in the windows?

Here's what I see. I see an older man. Older but strong. He doesn't have 20" biceps but he can still handle a big bag of soft water salt or move a couch. Definitely has some fight left in him. He's sitting in a library in a chesterfield chair. It has a table next to it with a green banker's lamp and a coaster. He has a lot of books; he's read most of them, but he doesn't rush for new titles anymore. He re-reads more than he reads. His clothes are modest and his wardrobe is small. He's found what he likes. Just a few well-made pieces. He traded in athleisure and performance fabrics for raw denim and wool. He doesn't wear the latest sneakers, he wears stitchdown leather boots that he doesn't worry about scratching. He wears vests and carries a pen that he never loses. He ate eggs and sourdough toast for breakfast with a side of beef broth, same as the last 30 years.

Now that you can see the person, try interacting with them in your mind's eye. Eyes closed is best. Say hello. They said hello back, didn't they? Now take the conversation wherever you want to go. What you'll find is that they know things you don't. I don't know how or why this works, but it does. This has become one of the most useful things I've ever discovered. I've asked the person that I see more questions than I can count. Not least of which, "What should I do?" I ask this all the time. Future me has told me all sorts of things. "Take time to look at the mountains. Spend ten extra minutes making lunch. Rotate your tires. Call a friend. Buy your daughter that tutu. Smile more. Turn off the news. Put your phone away. Tell your wife she looks beautiful in green." He gives pats on the back and pep talks too. Great guy.

I've found that the me in the future tells me different things depending on how old I make him. There's a version who's 100 years old. He's getting ready to wrap it up. What's he like? His wardrobe is even smaller. That bag of soft water salt isn't going anywhere anymore, but he's held onto his mind. Plus now he's got a robot to move the salt. His sole focus is helping those he brought to the world and those they brought. A successful day is helping them confront what's in front of them. You know what he says? He's basically through sharing tactics. He just looks at me, waits five or six seconds, and asks, "Are you trying, kid?" I nod. "Good. That's enough."

Hey me, I hope to be you one day. I respect you and the sacrifices you made. I believe you're a good man. Whatever weakness you still hold onto probably isn't for lack of trying. Help me know what to do next. Help me know where the quicksand is. Help me know how to live and how to love. See you soon.

How can I become this man? You are a community of people. You're you today, but you span backwards into the past and forwards into the future. Consider the yous in front of you. What do they want, what do they care about? You can pull the future towards you like you might pull a rope in a tug-of-war or pull a rod fighting a fish. If future you is focused on reduction, not proliferation, why not reduce today? Get rid of the extraneous. Forget the mundane and the worthless. Remove the things from your life today that would have fallen away deeper in the future through hardship. If you do it today, what would have been hardship in the future, now may not be. If future you decides to forgive at 64, forgive now and spare the yous between now and 64 all the pain.

The person that we envision in our mind's eye that tells us we could be better is the embodiment of our potential. It's the person we could become if we applied ourselves. It's the person we will become if we do what they say. But we can't do what they say if we don't talk to them.

Sometimes I look into the future and the man looking back has a look of disappointment on his face. Because he knows I can be more. I don't put too much stock in others' judgments of me because perfect judgment requires perfect information. Most people don't have perfect information. But this guy does. Why is this person equipped to judge me? Because he is me. He knows my flaws because he had my flaws. He has all of the context. He knows where I came from and who I am. He knows my hopes and dreams, because he had them once too. He knows my heart.

Now, if you ever want motivation to move away from something, you can envision a different person. You don't want to do this often, but if you need some real fuel to get going, envision who you might be if you got off the path. You may see someone tattered and worn, with their eyes down, hunched over. Unkempt. Downtrodden. Someone who had the light beaten out of them. Someone with dull eyes who relinquished their ability to choose. Little hope, lots of pain. This is you as Jacob Marley covered in chains. This version doesn't beckon you to follow. Instead, they shake their head, telling you to stay away. To look away. They look at you and see the potential and the goodness you have, and they can't stand the weight of your eyes. They don't open their mouth, but the sight is language enough. Cling to what's worthy. Do what's necessary to stay the path. If you don't, this is where you will go. Pity them. Do not follow them.

Future you already knows the way. Check in frequently with them and listen to what they have to say. They know things you don't.